the tangled hive

My fear defy my hopes. Is that why I'm reluctant to both? I'll rather wait until the storm settles, than again being broke. I carried all the pieces thinking maybe someday, somebody would want them. And somebody actually did, and it was lit for a bit before it got dark again. My despair is all I care about now but I was not always this cold. Remember, I held ya when you missed a step? But now when I'm falling, you're just not there to hold. I stored, stored every feel, every lie, every laugh, every bye, that embrace and the days we left behind. It's been pretty dark a time and I'm sober. Obviously. I can escape it for the good part I had but I just can't let slip the harsh one anyway. I wanna lose everything and start again. Or maybe I had lost everything long ago. Lost my inner peace, I don't even remember when. Or maybe I never had it while facing my lows. I am the one who let myself down. You've got nothing to do with it. But what abou...

Sitting in a cold dark room in which I wish I fade away. I remember those looks enough as if three weeks ago was yesterday. I wish I was not always in my head. I wish I could tell the way how I felt. I distanced myself from you but you are where my soul roams, you're the only one who could cross the boundaries between us and I know you won't.  I don't mean it when I say I don't care. I don't mean it when I say I'm fine. I hold myself from making that conversation 'cause I don't know what would be my next line. Tired of facing all the highs and the lows. The lows burning me down slow. I'm not getting better that's something I know. I love to see you & then I hate it too... Your life seems like a roller coaster & mine is a ferris wheel. Your's have an escalating flow, my has a cyclic feel. Cheerful used to be this guy. Why did you make him a freak? A vacant arm is all I have, if you ever felt to lean. Do you ever think to es...

Do you know the feel? The one, which I go through countless nights. You sleep thinking about someone and wake up in the same state of fate avenged with 'what ifs'. Do you know the feel? The one which trigger daydreams. As if someone robbed a part of you and you're ready to let it go with all your peace. Being the reason why lately I had been losing sleep. Do you know the feel? When you're standing somewhere between your priority and anxiety.  And all you could see in her are your highs. Used to carry that miserable, empty soul; not long before you drowned in the depth of her glittery eyes. Do you know the feel? When a small talk makes your whole day and overthinking reserves your twilight. Just how tireless the thoughts get when she crosses your mind? Spirals invade you at the most unhumanly hours. Desired of some stuff for quite some time. Do you know the damn feel?

Why are you giving me hope? If you got nothing to show. Can't you just walk away? That'll clear my mental agonies.  My stories disguise as my shadow. I'm stuck with them forever. You're the assassin of my peace, You don't hear my sob or screams. Do ya? I stood awoke a million nights, Fixing the pieces of my broken self. Even though you pained me a lot  I don't want anybody to hurt you ever. You gave me the biggest delight  And yet you carved the deepest cracks I am standing on a hopeless path I either want you and me to be us or my old self back My old self back My old self back My old self back. There's this thing of yours which keeps me on the edge of my seat even though it shouldn't.  It's ironic how all you left behind are dilemmas and I expected them to be memories. Queries clog my mind with stuff, I am unautonomously captivated to process. Am I the one waiting for you? Or are you the one waiting for my soul to collapse? Maybe I lost...

She asked me if I'm okay. "Yeah", is what I said 'cause that's what I'm supposed to. I know I was pointless but I talked for thoughtlessness drove me. It's two and I'm thinking if my insomnia got any better then still my dismay won't. She tried to hide it. Tried to hide that one feeling  which left her denying  to one of her belief, she didn't talk about. And for sure I was aware of it all the time. She read my thougts. Even the deepest ones which I reproach to share. And I just weeped it out in words, about which even my closest ones are not aware. She left with those silent steps. And it was breathtaking to have all those talks. All my mental breakdowns tell me is that I shall rather devote to the ones who adore me a lot.  She was a friend. And then a drama. And then something I can't describe. It's ironic how I'm a stranger now but yet she knows abut my terrorized mind. It's been days and weeks and months since wh...

Intertwined in search of tenderness Sinking because of my own insanity, I bruised myself like never before. The more I secluded it, The more I triggered my own downpour. Slipped into some shadows, Knowing I'll end up being shattered. Never accepted the idea of self victimising even after knowing how thrashed I was. Tears never really speak, but it's all about the ones who hear them. I endured my strains in unearthing the reality and realized how stupidly was I driven by allure. Steered by heart. Refrained by actuality. Aimed at petals, Wrecked by the thorns. Unable to comprehend the meaning of well being, out of fatigue by pretending to be rigid for so long.